Marriage
One of the goals for marriage is that both individuals and couples gradually transform and mature in God’s presence and image. The Episcopal Church in Colorado believes a couple, whether heterosexual or homosexual, should enter into marriage with mutual care, respect, and delight. Marriage is a sacramental rite—an outward and visible sign of God’s grace—in the Episcopal Church and is “not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.”
The Episcopal Church requires that:
- At least one member of the couple is a baptized Christian.
- The ceremony is attested to by at least two witnesses.
- The marriage conforms to the Canons of The Episcopal Church and to the laws of the state.
- If either party has been previously divorced, specific requirements of The Episcopal Church and The Episcopal Church in Colorado must be met before any Episcopal priest can perform the Blessing and Celebration of a Marriage, or any other rite. This includes submission of a remarriage petition to the Bishop via the Canon for Mission & Administration.
Additional Diocesan requirements about Holy Matrimony and Remarriage:
- If the couple prefers a priest who is not a staff member of that church to preside at the marriage, consent must be given by the ecclesiastical authority of the parish/mission: the rector, interim, priest-in-charge, or church wardens.
- Deacons are not permitted to officiate at weddings, without the permission of the Bishop.
- A canonical requirement is that a Priest or Bishop must have received thirty days’ notice from a couple intending to marry; and if for any reason the cleric waives this requirement, the Bishop will be notified in writing immediately.
- The Declaration of Intention must be signed by both parties to be married; the Priest shall furnish them with a copy of that document.
- Any Priest or Bishop may decline to officiate at a marriage for any reason.
- Concerning remarriage: If one or both parties seeking to be remarried has been divorced only once, couples therapy with a licensed mental health professional is encouraged but not required. This is in addition to any premarital preparation done with the priest. If one or both parties seeking to be remarried has been divorced twice: Before submitting the application for remarriage, couples must attend at least five sessions with a licensed mental health professional. A mental health professional may explore any topics he/she/they feel appropriate and require additional sessions if needed. See the website for additional information.
Clergy relationships
It is expected that all clergy who are canonically resident in the Diocese of Colorado will live moral lives, taking seriously their roles the vows of their ordination to “…pattern your life [and that of your family, or household, or community] in accordance with the teachings of Christ, so that you may be a wholesome example to your people.” (BCP, pgs. 532, 544) This includes not cohabitating with a romantic partner without the benefits of Holy Matrimony.
Out-of-state Priests Officiating
- Clergy who are not canonically resident or have a current license to officiate in Colorado must submit the following via the Canon for Mission and Operations, the Rev. Canon Jon Anderson, at least 60 days prior to the ceremony:
- Letter of Good Standing from their Bishop;
- Written request to Bishop Kym Lucas including the date, location of the ceremony, and which church will record the marriage;
- Signed Declaration of Intention;
- Approved Remarriage Application from their Bishop (if applicable).
- If the ceremony is not in a church building, then the service must be recorded in the parish register of the closest Episcopal church.
- Clergy from out-of-state need not be registered with the state of Colorado.
Approved Liturgies
Episcopal priests or bishops are to use the Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage in the Book of Common Prayer or a supplementary liturgical resource approved by the General Convention of The Episcopal Church. All music for all Episcopal Church services is governed by the rubrics of the Book of Common Prayer and The Hymnal 1982 and is under the direction of the officiant and Director of Music.
Standards for Premarital Preparation
Couples are to meet a minimum of four times, if possible, with the priest officiating at the wedding for premarital counseling. If the couple is unable to meet with the officiating priest, then the officiating priest is to obtain a letter certifying that all the below topics were addressed to the priest’s satisfaction. The four sessions are in addition to the meeting to discuss a wedding date, wedding plans, etc.
The following topics should be covered in some form:
- The nature of each of their commitments to Christ and the Church.
- The nature of the commitment they are making by deciding to undertake a Christian marriage
- Sexuality and intimacy.
- Preparation for and the nurturing of Christian children, if applicable.
- Relationships with in-laws and family of origin issues.
- The legal and financial implications of:
a. Future financial priorities and budgeting
b. Wills
c. Health insurance
d. Life insurance
e. Charitable giving and stewardship
f. Credit and debt - Communication skills in relationships.
- Conflict resolution, including the spiritual resources of repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
Remarriage Petition Process
If a member of a couple has previously been part of a civil union, domestic partnership, or relationship blessed by a church (even if not recognized by law), the same guidelines above shall be followed. For simplicity, all such situations are referred to in the below guidelines using the term “divorce.”
Please send all Remarriage Applications 60 days before the proposed wedding date to Dianne Draper at dianne@episcopalcolorado.org. Canon Jon Anderson, the Canon for Mission & Operations will review the Remarriage Application. For more information about this process, please contact Dianne Draper or Canon Jon Anderson.
We ask that applicants fill the application out thoroughly to prevent the Canon Jon Anderson or the Bishop from asking for additional information. Answers should demonstrate a level of prayerful self-reflection and maturity.
If one or both parties seeking to be remarried has been divorced only once:
Couples therapy with a licensed mental health professional is encouraged but not required. This is in addition to any premarital preparation done with a priest.
If one or both parties seeking to be remarried has been divorced twice:
There are unique challenges for people remarrying for a third time. Therefore, before submitting the application for remarriage, couples must attend at least five sessions with a licensed mental health professional. A mental health professional may explore any topics he/she/they feel appropriate and require additional sessions if needed. At a minimum, couples are invited to thoroughly explore the following topics with the mental health professional:
- Coming to terms with the end of my previous relationships and any unresolved issues;
- Possible patterns of behavior that led to the end of the previous relationship and how not repeat these patterns;
- How each person deals with conflict in previous and current relationships;
- Parenting children from previous marriages (if applicable).
Upon completion of at least five sessions of couples therapy with a mental health professional, please submit a letter from the mental health professional stating the number of sessions and that the couple has explored the above topics. This letter should be included with the application for remarriage. Please note that premarital sessions with a priest are also still required prior to submitting the application.
If one or both parties seeking to be remarried has been divorced more than twice:
Grace demands that the Bishop review each circumstance individually and if extenuating circumstances are present, the request will be reviewed. Prior to reviewing the application, couples must attend counseling as described above as well as additional sessions with a clergy person. Please note that only in rare cases will the Bishop approve applications of anyone who has been divorced more than twice and additional information may be required.